‘War on Error to continue’ says Major Disaster. They have a job for you. Would you like training in catering, engineering, communications, or IT? Then the military is desperately seeking you! In fact, they’re truly, madly, deeply seeking anyone because their recruitment figures are plummeting faster than you can say ‘civil war in Iraq’. Glasgow Kiss, a company within the Clandestine Insurgent Rebel Clown Army (CIRCA), decided that it was high time they did their patriotic duty and volunteered their services to the military. So, on Tuesday 4th April, the Clown Army continued Operation AWOL (Armed with Outrageous Laughter) as part of their ongoing War on Error. The War on Error is being conducted against the insidious Errorists within our midst: economic errorists who privatize our schools and hospitals; environmental errorists who destroy our communities and countryside to build more roads and airports; and political errorists who wage war abroad, take loans for peerages, and attack our civil liberties. Operation AWOL volunteered the Clown Army’s unique services to the Army Recruitment Office on Queen’s Street, in Glasgow’s city centre. We offered to train them in a range of useful skills: such as disarmament, withdrawal from Afghanistan and Iraq; and how to jolly up their rather drab uniforms with pink fluffy bits and silly hats. Wearing our special Clown face-camouflage, and marching in Clown formation through the lunchtime crowd, we proceeded to the entrance of the recruitment office. Imagine our surprise to see a rather worried recruitment officer hurriedly lock the door to prevent our entry! Poor diddums, we only wanted to help! Of course, it takes a lot more than a locked door to deter Rebel Clowns, and so we proceeded to undertake a range of quite ridiculous operational manoeuvres in front of the office: clown inspections (‘marvellous pink feather boa, Private Functions’); clown marching (‘left, left, left-right-WRONG!’); and clown communication with the recruitment officers using our top secret sign language. Soon, to our immense pleasure we were joined by some police and their big white van, who we invited to join in the fun and games. Sadly, they declined, bemused by our absence of leaders, our refusal to obey orders, and our constant blowing of kisses. Meanwhile, confronted by the dangerous sight of a motley bunch of Rebel Clowns cavorting in front of their office window, those courageous fellows in the recruitment office made a speedy exit and closed the office. Sorry, no recruitment today, chaps! Indeed, the Clown Army thinks that the rest of the military should follow their lead. Let’s all go AWOL! General Strike